Monday, July 11, 2011

Because the Sky is Blue

When I was a little girl going to bed in summertime, I would ask my mom to leave the shutters open on my window, so that I could look up into the beautiful blue sky. I would gaze up at the sky and feel at peace. "Mommy, I want to look at the blue!" I would say.

When I was a teenager and young adult, I would take walks after dinner with my father as the sun was setting. Sometimes we would walk over the bridge. Sometimes we would do a circuit along the Indian River Lagoon, across the barrier island and back along the ocean. We would have long, soulful talks and I remember telling him that I didn't see how anyone could be unhappy when the sky was so beautiful.

I would wonder to myself, "Does it make sense that I am happy because I love the sky?"

Now that I am older and wiser I realize that it makes complete and perfect sense.

By loving the sky, you are loving the Universe and all that is in it, including yourself. What I want you to remember is that you are the beautiful, infinite and vast sky. The sky itself is never actually gray. That is an illusion caused by the storm clouds passing through. The sky beyond the clouds is always blue. Respect the clouds as they pass through, yet remember that they are not you.

You are the sky.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Love Is Never A Mistake

"When you came together at the time it was meant to be. It was not a mistake. Your children are not a mistake. The life you built together was not a mistake. If it is time to move on, then let's move on, but let's honor the past as we look to the future."

I always tell my clients this when they come in to see me for the first time. I just feel in my heart that this has to be true and this is why I feel called to be a peacemaker and healer for divorcing couples and why I can no longer bring myself to practice law. I just can't take sides. I just don't see the point of fighting. Luckily, there are plenty of skilled lawyers out there who can advise divorcing people of their legal rights. I refer individuals to them often and God bless them. Their work is not easy.

As for me, when a couple is divorcing, I see only too clearly that what we have here is a family. Even if there were no children born of the marriage, the couple was a family to each other. They shared their lives and their love with each other for however long. They learned from each other. They are who they are today because they came into each other's lives. Despite whatever pain and suffering they may have advertantly or inadvertantly caused each other, there was also joy and laughter. There are good memories as well as bad, and if they have children together, then there are still many memories to be made special. They owe their children the decency of honoring and respecting one another. 

What I want couples to know is that they came together for a reason. They walked on the same path for the time that they did in order to grow spiritually. If I am not mistaken, many therapists indicate that people come together to help heal their pains from childhood, most often marrying people with traits like their own parents. So even if now the couple has grown apart, I feel a moral obligation to honor, respect and cherish the marriage, even as it is ending. I feel strongly the need to empower the couple to move on in a mature and healthy way, to help them forgive each other as well as their own selves.

By forgiving one another, not only do they heal themselves, they demonstrate for others the way to peace. For the only way to peace is to first make peace with oneself.

Just imagine what the world would be like if more people were at peace with themselves? What would happen if people didn't feel the need to "punish" others for slings and arrows, real or imagined? What if people could let go of the Ego and instead say to their spouse, "Thank you for having taught me. Thank you for helping me grow. I wish for you peace and love and happiness. May it be so."

Move on. Move on. Love is never a mistake.