Big Brother is Mentoring: How Lawyer Participation in Restorative Justice and Mentoring Programs Can Make Brevard a Stronger, Safer, & Healthier Community.

Here is a call out to my fellow attorneys to help bring more peace, respect, and kindness to Brevard County, while simultaneously helping to decrease the crime rate in three ways:

 

1.     Bringing back Restorative Justice.

2.     Joining the Be Kind Brevard Movement.

3.     Becoming a mentor to disadvantaged or at risk youth in our community.

 

After a downward decline in the 80s and 90s, there is a disturbing trend in the United States of increasing suicide rates across the board. What is most disturbing to me as a mother of a 14-year-old girl is that the greatest increase in the suicide rate was seen in girls 10 to 14 years of age. From 1999-2014, adolescent girls experienced the largest percent increase in suicides, tripling over 15 years from 0.5 to 1.7 per 100,000 people. I’m sure there are various reasons for this increase, from the breakdown of courtesy and civility in society to the proliferation of cyber-bullying. 

 

But I ask you this: Who will stop the bullying? 

 

And I answer you this: All of us will. We have to.

 

I don’t expect this to be a hard sell. Actually, I’m sure a lot of you got into law because you wanted to stand up for the picked on and the bullied. I know you wanted to empower yourselves and others to do what is right and to see more justice prevail in the world. The solution is complicated. We have tried Zero Tolerance. It hasn’t really worked. We have tried locking away every offender. It hasn’t really worked. These approaches are not addressing the root of the problem. 

 

It is time to bring awareness to more people in Brevard about (a) Restorative Justice, (b) the Be Kind Brevard Movement, and (c) the benefits of becoming a Mentor through one of several local programs.

 

The other day, Doug Beam approached me outside the Melbourne Courthouse talking about how Restorative Justice (RJ) would be helpful in a case he was working on. RJ is more than mediation. RJ is a process of creating communication between victims and offenders to come up with non-punitive solutions that are more satisfying and healing to the victim and that make it less likely for an offender to reoffend. RJ can be used in schools, workplaces, courtrooms, neighborhoods, and families. The use of RJ has been found to decrease the number of bullying incidents among school children, to manage the fallout and promote healing among those that have been harmed, and to address the root cause of the acting out of the perpetrator. 

 

Although I had read about RJ, I hadn’t studied it, let alone been certified in it. So I immediately sought out a class. I only found one. It is at the River Phoenix Center for Peacebuilding in Gainesville, Florida. Yes, THAT River Phoenix. The Center was established by the deceased actor’s mother, Heart Phoenix.

 

I’ve signed up for a class at the Center, May 11^th and 12^th. We will meet at the University of Florida Law School to learn RJ techniques. It is my intention to become a Restorative Justice Practitioner and to recruit some of you to join me, perhaps even put together a Restorative Justice CLE. Let’s see what I can learn about it first. 

 

I understand from one of my colleagues on the Be Kind Brevard, Inc. Board that some professionals from our Brevard County Schools will be joining me at this training, which makes me feel very hopeful. Learn more at http://www.centerforpeacebuilding.org/#!restorative-justice/co4dp

 

That Brings us to Be Kind Brevard, which is an incipient 501(c)(3) that partners with other groups in our community to try to make Brevard a kinder, safer place. Be Kind Brevard is a movement led by volunteer advocates to increase kindness and reduce all forms of bullying anytime, anywhere by anyone. We help provide trainings in schools, workplaces, and other forums and well as provide support and counseling for those who have experienced bullying. Please learn more at http://BeKindBrevard.com. Also see http://Taylor4Teens.org and http://StopBullying.gov.

 

Lastly, I have seen some literature, and intuitively it makes sense to me, that by creating opportunities for more mentoring relationships with responsible, caring adults who serve as positive role models and resources in the lives of underprivileged or at risk, or really any children, can make a huge difference in their self esteem, success, and future. First obviously we start with our own children. We must teach our children well. It is up to us parents to raise respectful, loving young people and to drum into our children's heads from an early age the importance of empathy, compassion, kindness, respect, courtesy, and civility. We must model courteous behavior. We must live it. We must teach our children to stand up for others and not stand by and let anyone be picked on or bullied. Now more than ever we need to be vigilant about how we treat one another. We must be the change we wish to see and, more importantly, teach our children to be the change we wish to see in the world. Then we should take it a step further and participate in programs that help kids in families that are not as blessed as our own. Mentors are needed for our youth in the following programs. You can be a hero in your community by signing up for one of the following. Trust me, you will love it.

 

Big Brothers Big Sisters in Brevard: Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Florida's mission is to provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally-supported relationships that change their lives for the better, forever.

By mentoring your "Little" for just 4 hours a month, you could positively impact their ambitions, perspective, and life. With Big Brothers Big Sisters, mentoring is flexible, rewarding, and FUN. For you it's a few hours exploring, crafting, or playing catch, for them it's a game changer. Call (407) 478-2996 or sign up online at bbbscfl.org/volunteer.

 

Take Stock in Children: Take Stock in Children is a Statewide Program that is manifested in Brevard County through the Brevard Schools Foundation. Take Stock is in need of mentors who will provide that one-on-one support to a deserving student who wants to succeed in school and achieve the dream of a college education. You can change a child’s life over lunch. Contact Del Jordan at Jordan.Delbressa@Brevardschools.org or 321-633-1000,x415. Visit online for an application at http://brevardschoolsfoundation.org/get-involved/mentoring

 

Brevard Family Partnership Youth Thrive Initiative: Mentors are needed for teens and young adults who have experience in the foster care system and have aged out. Contact Ashley Carraro at Brevard Family Partnership if you would like to be an inspiration and resource to a young adult seeking to be a productive and engaged member of society. Contact Ashley at 321-752-4650, x3022 or Ashley.Carraro@brevardfp.org

 

 

Got questions? Contact me at Brooke@PeacefulBeachMediation.com or 321-626-2858

Together we can make Brevard a kinder, more peaceful, safer, and more successful community.

You Make More of a Difference Than You Realize

Lately, I’ve noticed changes more than I used to.  It seems more and more that the ordinary people I come into contact with during my mundane existence are moving on, either into retirement or into the next life.  These aren’t famous or newsworthy people, but they are people that mattered to me.  

 

Take for example my dentist, Dr. Gloria Flathman. Dr. Flathman was first my parents’ dentist and then she became my dentist once I had a full set of teeth. From the time I was three-and-a-half years old, I came to see her twice a year.  Dr. Flathman watched me grow up. It didn’t occur to me at the time how remarkable it was for a woman to become a dentist in her day. I just knew that she was there as I grew from a child into a teenager, from a teenager to a college student, from a college student to a young woman, then married, then with children of my own.  In the file she kept on me for over 40 years--along with my x-rays and other dental records--she had envelopes marking the milestones of my life: My graduation announcements, my wedding invitation, the announcements of the births of each of my children.  She was a professional woman who raised her family while running a business. One of her sons, also a dentist, still practices in the office they shared. It has been over a year since Dr. Flathman passed away. Today I went to the office for my regular twice a year cleaning and realized how much I miss her.  Dr. Flathman’s existence and our relationship mattered to me. 

 

Another example is Linda. With a hungry, never satisfied, “why-didn’t-you-remember-to-get-us-that-one-other-item” family to feed, I find myself headed to the grocery store almost every day. Although there is a Publix on my route everywhere I travel in Brevard, there are a couple of stores I frequent more often than others. One is the Publix on Babcock Street in Melbourne where in one lane Linda always takes an interest in what I’m making for dinner and what I have done with my hair and what my children are up to.  I look forward to going through her line and catching up on what she did for a particular holiday or to tell her about my crock-pot-pizza idea. Yesterday I was shopping at the Babcock Publix and was looking for Linda’s check out lane. Not seeing her, I asked a store manager if she was working that day and learned that Linda had just retired after 30 years on the job.  Although I am happy for Linda, I am sorry for me. 

 

Linda made a difference in my life by treating me like a human being and making me feel like I mattered while I did the most basic task of grocery shopping. Every time I checked out with Linda, I left with a smile and a warm feeling of having had a kind interaction with someone who--although may have just been doing her job--made a difference in my life.

 

The point is that these ordinary run-of-the-mill interactions, no matter how “just-going-along-through-your-day” they are, make an impact. You don’t have to be famous or important in order to make a difference. You don’t have to do anything big, showy, or special. You just have to live your life and do your work as if the people you come in contact with matter.

 

I hope Dr. Flathman knew that she was a quiet role model and source of inspiration for me as she took care of both me and my teeth and served as a constant in my life.

 

And Linda, if you are reading this, the pizza in the crockpot idea really did work and I think I’ll keep my hair red for a while longer. I hope you are enjoying your retirement. I miss you.

 

Dr. Flathman and Linda both touched my life by being there and being kind.  I think that may be the most important lesson for all of us to remember.

 

Who’s life are you touching just by going through your regular duties today?  You may be making more of a difference than you realize.

 

A Message From 1987: Live Every Year to the Fullest

Going through some old scrapbooks I found a type-written speech I gave to the Melbourne High School Class of 1987. A nice reminder from 17 year-old-me to 40-something me.

MELBOURNE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION ADDRESS 1987

Good afternoon. My name is Brooke Deratany and this year it has been my pleasure to serve as President of the Student Body.

After 13 years of schooling, we have finally arrived at the day when it all starts paying off. Today is perhaps our greatest day yet. It is one filled with pride, relief, and eager anticipation. Friends, whether or not the reality has struck yet, today is the day we stand a little taller and take a great step forward, as we actually graduate from Melbourne High School.

Many of us became acquainted in kindergarten as we began our journey through the Brevard County School System. Still more of us met at one point or another as we proceeded in our quest for the better understanding and brighter future that only an education can provide. It does not matter in which state or country you began your journey. What is more important is the fact that today we are all here together to share in the glory of reaching our destination.

In my opinion, the greatest characteristic of humankind is individuality. Every person in this room has characteristics, attitudes, and feelings unique to him or herself. Even so, I know there is one feeling that all of us share today, whether we are a graduating senior, parent, teacher, or administrator. We all share that feeling of pride. And why shouldn't we? Getting to this point took a group effort, and everyone here must have done something right, or we would not be assembled here today. Allow yourselves to feel that pride and smile, because you certainly deserve it.

I know I speak for every Senior here when I say, "Thank you." Thank you to the loving parents, family members, and friends; to the superior educators, wise administrators, and overworked counselors. Growing up can be pretty scary, but with all of you there to guide us and support us, the Melbourne High School Class of 1987 can say, "I made it! I'm here. I'm ready to take charge of the rest of my life, and be the best I can be!" Yes, you have made this day possible.

And fellow Seniors, we can make a difference in this world. Think about it, we are the future. That's a pretty big responsibility, but I know we can do it and whatever your goals may be, whatever your dreams entail, reach for the stars. And as you climb and stretch and reach, never forget one thing -- be happy. Because when it comes right down to it, happiness is the most important thing in this world. You know, there are so many wonderful things on this earth, especially when you live in a free country. It baffles the mind to ponder the innumerable opportunities to obtain success and happiness. Do you realize that you could go on learning for the rest of your life and still never know everything? Do not let the high school diploma you are about to receive be an end of that learning. Instead, let it be a beginning, a foundation on which to build your future happiness.

It has been said that the teenage years are the best years of one's life. Granted, these years have been pretty great. But don't for even a moment think that the greatness is over. You see, far too many people waste their lives wishing they were another age, or living at another time. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with remembering the good old times or looking forward to what the future will bring, in fact, I encourage these pleasant thoughts. What I am saying is you should keep in mind that every year has its greatness, and if you spend your whole life wishing you were older or younger, you'll miss out on the fun of being the age you are. I challenge you to live every year of your lives to its fullest; to savor the beauty of each moment, and appreciate its uniqueness and fine qualities. If you do this, my friends, you will have found the key to that happiness I know you all seek.

I want to thank all of you for sharing these past years with me. They hold memories I know we will all treasure for the rest of our lives. We've had some good times and made some great friends. We have not only learned historical facts, trig functions, and the proper use of the comma, but also about relationships and life in general. Now, it's time to move on; time to make use of this vast knowledge, time to smile because the world awaits us. I want to wish each and every one of you the best of luck throughout your life. It's only just begun, you know, and it can only be as great as you choose to make it.

FELLOW CLASSMATES, WE'RE OUTTA HERE!!